It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
