Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
