We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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