p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
