EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
