We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
