guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
