You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
