You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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