i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
