yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
