Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
