Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
