i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
