trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i will never coherently bang her
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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