his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
