The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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