When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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