i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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