Taylor Swift is so right about you.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Shame is for Republicans.
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