New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
