i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
