i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
