Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
