I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
This is my gift to your gina
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize