i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize