Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
