I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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