Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
either way he was missing a nipple.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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