Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
