New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
