That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
COCAINE IS GR8
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
