That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Randomize
