My nipple is on Facebook.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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