Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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