Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
