I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
