Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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