I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
