I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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