I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
