I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
