so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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