I am puke
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Mom said you looked used
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
