Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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