3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
