Betty ford says i'm here all night
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
