this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
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