I feel like I'm in dance class right now
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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