that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize