Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
