He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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