remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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