just tell him i said nine months
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
