How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
