when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Is it penis luge time yet?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
