New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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