fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
