It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
