I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
