Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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