Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
