Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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