you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
