omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
