i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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