Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I had to cum in my sink.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
