ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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