I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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