My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
