That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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