So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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