she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
