you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
