oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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