God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
