This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
