Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
