So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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