Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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