Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
