Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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