chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
When did angry sex become our thing?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
