idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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