Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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