All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
