Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
