why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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