did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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