I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize