Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
