Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
