Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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