I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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