Non-Jews are for practice
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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