I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
