I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
