can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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