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• (410): View more from Maryland

  i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school

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• (941): View more from Florida

  Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative

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• (979): View more from Texas

  I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after

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• (260): View more from Indiana

  The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.

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• (580): View more from Oklahoma

  the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.

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• (433): View more from

  Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.

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• (972): View more from Texas

  I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities

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• (607): View more from New York

  I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver

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• (406): View more from Montana

  I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.

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