I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The power of my boobs compel you
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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