I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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