if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize