OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Is Oprah even human
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize