mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
