i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
